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  • Writer's pictureThe Baker

I have a bad attitude and so does this apple cake

May. 13th, 2023

Angst. Jaffa's quiet Saturday streets irk me when everyone spends the entirety of every other day going out of their way to disturb my peace. They think a couple of hours of lazy quiet on a Saturday make up for the cacophony of the week? You can't fool me.

Besides, husband and I eating hummus outside in dead silence, except for the sounds of black crows squawking, is not the vibe.

Baking of late has been tossed aside in favor of mine and husband's Israeli wedding celebration which had some family and some friends fly over here especially for the occasion. Very large dramatic wedding party was every inch my aesthetic dream. Drinking a bazillion gin and somethings on the dance floor and passing out in full hair and makeup was not.

Now that everyone has gone, guess who's back, back again? Sadness. Emptiness. What am I going to do with my life if I still don't have a jobness.

Coming up on almost one year of being unemployed. Almost mazal tov to moi.

The baking wave struck again. I wish I could say it was out of the blue but we know that where there's depro, there's a deep motivation to bake.

It's nice to have something to count on, amirite.

Apple cake is what came out of the blue though. This was the craving. Took a detour from crying in the street on husband's shoulder post hummus, to stop at grocery for supplies.

Daintily googled "vegan apple cake for sad bitches" and came up with:

Got super excited at the possibility of fulfilling baking objectives in only one bowl.

While Nora (of wasted way too much time in painfully detailing why she thinks I will love this recipe, in the end she really pulled through.

Jump To Recipe button? Don't mind if I dooo.

Per ush, I don't fuck with coconut oil. so that was the first ingredient I knew I would have to substitute. Here's a full list of the subs for no other reason than you (whoever you are) should know that the subs made no meaningful difference. Never be afraid to sub.

Coconut oil: subbed canola, Measured it on the food scale and used about 100g less than what was called for.

Applesauce: subbed 1 whole mashed banana. I don't have applesauce because I'm not a teething baby. The banana worked fine, but did leave a banana bready-taste and texture. Was fine with this and honestly, you should be too. We stanana bananas.

Walnuts: did not use. Ew.

*Also used less sugar and less apples than it was called for. Less sugs cause I was gonna feed this to husband who already thinks everything is too sweet (except me). Less apples because the batter was so heavy and chunky I figured better not add anymore or this will become pudding.

*Also did not make the caramel drizzle. Ain't nobody got time for that after they've already managed to put a cake in the oven.

Now to the part where I mildly effed up. I still have not bought regular salt. Therefore the only salt we have is coarse salt, or as they say in Hebrew: vulgar salt. Still makes me lol.

Due to our salt being coarse and vulgar, and me failing to whisk the dry ingredients properly (I tossed them around with my mini wooden spoon and then added wet ingredients), the cake came out very salty in certain parts. Mostly the top part, which was very crunchy.

However the apple-y part of the cake was dreamy soft and very pleasant indeed.

I didn't have the proper 9x13 in cake pan that Nora specifically said to use so I put it in the kubaneh tin which was too small. Too much batter and a too small pan=this cake needing to bake for OVER AN HOUR. Practically an hour and a half.

I truly hate when this happens, but until I buy the proper sized pans for every single recipe ever, it will prob keep happening.

So there you have it. An apple cake that matched my own Saturday saltiness but I still managed to eat too much of it. Felt nauseous afterwards, had to lay down from my exertions, and husband took the rest of the cake to work.

Apparently it was a big hit with his more optimistic co-workers. I don't care what anyone says though. I am the mother of my baking inventions and therefore know when something is sweet and something is too salty.

But compliments are not unappreciated.

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