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  • Writer's pictureThe Baker

Vuna afternoona

Sat in a café today chit chatting with a friend for almost two hours. Lovely friend, lovely smell of non-vegan muffins baking in the back kitchen. Drank two covfefes, one reg, one decaf and goddamn if that didn't put me in the mood for a muffin. In Tel Aviv, vegan city extraordinaire, it really is unacceptable that a café will have zero vegan baked goods.

Couldn't help but fantasize about muffins to bake when I got home but by the time chit chat time had finished and I sat there, muffin-less, for another hour by myself reading the newspaper, I was starving for lunch. At 2:30 pm, and way past my feeding hour, I opened IG and went straight to my saved recipes. Eventually chose a reel in which the healthy vegan girl/lady/vegan mama/whatever, makes kale salad with savory chick peas. Sounded good.

On the way home, accidently stopped at the organic store and a new bakery to buy several things I did not need including tempeh, a packet of Vuna (fake vegan tuna, decided not to read ingredients) and a bread roll with figs in it that I chomped on as I struggled down the street with plastic bags stuffed with purchases.

Sadly upon arriving home I discovered we were out of several ingredients that I thought we had and therefore had not bought, namely nutritional yeast. Called husband to make sure we were in fact yeast-less, and I hadn't simply missed it hiding under the 65 odd bottles of seasonings we already have. He did not seem particularly distraught about my missing nutritional yeast. Very frustrated, I quickly switched the lunch menu to Vuna.

Vuna. Vegan tuna. Not even sure if this word needs to be capitalized. Has Vuna been trademarked? This is not an appetizing name. Peeling open the packet, I was hit in the face with the first evidence that this Vuna was in fact a bonafide tuna "foodstuff". The smell was...authentic. And no doubt the smell contributes to the fact that the stuff also has an authentic tuna taste.

There was no way though that this Vuna was going to be eaten with mayonnaise. That stuff is gross and vegan or not vegan, I'm losing my ability to tolerate it.

Ended up blending together a hodgepodge Caesar dressing from cashews, lemon juice and a fuck ton of Trader Joe's Green Goddess seasoning (brought over to the holy land from a previous trip to NY). This was my sauce that I poured over a ginormous salad that included romaine, baby spinach, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, pickles, chives, dill, cilantro...and the Vuna.

Tasty? Yes. Addictive? No. The offending Vuna smell lingers in the house longer after the Vuna itself no longer does. Now entire house must be fumigated with lemon, baking soda and scented candles. I only hope that does the job. People are coming over tonight and the perk of someone coming into a vegan house should be that it doesn't smell like fish.

Anyways. I should have made corn muffins.

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